image of an older man on a bench

"I think things were better back in porkpie hat days. Back then we all had morals and jobs. My job was to sew the bands onto the outside of the porkpie hat. My friend Chester's job was to make the brim. All of my friends and family lived in the porkpie hat factory and we took our meals together in the cafeteria. You just held out your inverted hat and into it they would dump a ladle of soup. It tasted like hats."

image of an older woman looking kind of sad or annoyed

"Now where did that darn remote control run off to? It is supposed to go right back in the caddy that hangs over the side of the recliner. I don't see it on the coffee table. Maybe it is in the couch cushions? Well where did that darn thing run off to?"

image of an older man with a tie

"I think that people complain too much nowadays. And traffic is terrible. And technology is annoying. And I hate everything."

image of a younger man sitting on a car

"This is the best way to humiliate this car. Kick 'em when they're down, that's what I always say."

image of a youger woman with a ponytail

"I also think that things were better back in porkpie hat days."