Hello sir, I see you have broken my coffee mug. You have callously run into my desk, causing it to fall to the ground. You have misjudged space with your sickeningly inaccurate kneecaps.

This mug was my favorite. It had my name, CHRISTOPHER, printed on the front. It was a gift. From myself. I reward myself for jobs well done with a personalized gift, and let me tell you sir, I have many various items with my name on them.

You have made a mistake. We had no relationship before this, you and I, and so I see no need now to not burn this bridge. Now, sir, I think I will impart the same wabi-sabi to your face that you have imparted to my mug.

Why yes, I, CHRISTOPHER am challenging you to a duel, sir. That is why I'm slapping you across the face with this silken glove upon which is my name, elegantly embroidered. I am ridiculously confident in my ability to vanquish you. Now put your dukes up and we will test your mettle.

I see you have produced an ornate oak box that contains two marvelously honed dueling pistols. I guess I thought we would use fisticuffs for our duel. Oh okay I'll just take this pistol… Oh wow that is heavy. Loaded, too, you say? Ten paces, you say?

I seem to have left my dueling shoes at home. How am I to take ten paces without proper dueling shoes? Take this pistol back, you cretin. You scoundrel. How dare you agree to this duel knowing that your opponent left his gilded, monogrammed dueling shoes at home? No we must forget this whole thing due to your actions and the shame you have brought upon yourself.